Reflections on Hope from 2018

I’ve been reflecting over this past year in order to discern what the Lord has been teaching me. It has been a year of transitions.  For those of you who have experienced a transition this year I know you can relate.  For Erick & me, our transition involved moving to a new location, trying to figure out where we “belong,” and taking on new responsibilities with Back2Back.  A process of letting go and embracing new beginnings.  Sometimes we have had mixed emotions. Moving and starting over (literally), the letting go of the old, has been difficult and felt raw, while embracing the new has been overwhelming, exciting, challenging, and sometimes discouraging.  For me, it’s been a year of doctor visits and trying new treatments.  A year of establishing new rhythms and engaging with family in new ways.  A year of developing new roles and a new training program for Back2Back. I’ve written several Reflections from 2018 that I’d like to share with you. 

Reflection: Shedding the old dead parts of ourselves allows new growth to start.

The first part of the year we were taking our sabbatical.  During that time Erick & I walked a lot…..like over 100 miles together.  Later I learned that walking helps regulate the brain, and boy do I need help with that!  Going on walks has always been a way for me to connect with God.  God has used what I see and experience in nature and art to communicate messages to me.  On many occasions when I was walking I would get the impression that God wanted me to pay close attention.  In those moments I felt like there was something I’m supposed to learn, to take notice of.  Often that means I stop and take a picture or stop and pray.  It happened to me when Erick & I were on one of our long walks this past spring.  We were walking through a forest and I noticed the path was lined with tons of tree bark.  All of the trees in this area had big pieces of bark that had been stripped away from their trunks.  We kept walking and I was struck by the amount of bark that was stripped away.  The trees had big patches of bare, raw wood that was exposed.  It made me wonder…..what if the trees had to shed the old dry bark in order to see new growth?  Which made me pray…..Lord, what is dead and old in me that you want to remove in order to see new growth?  

Reflection: When transformation and progress are slow (and they usually are), we must keep on asking, seeking, and knocking. 

Every year at the beginning of the year we have asked God to show us a word (or phrase) He wants us to focus on.  In 2018 my word was WALK HUMBLY.  And during our transition I wanted to focus on what it meant to WALK HUMBLY.  Staying mindful of keeping a humble attitude in starting new roles. And staying humble in

finding out what was making me sick and seeking treatments from doctors.  It was easy to get frustrated on the medical side of things because I wasn’t making the progress I thought I would.  Now eleven months into 2018 and I still have a SIBO infection and the treatment has not “cured” me.  Many times throughout the year people have asked to pray over me and I have longed for God to heal me, but that has not happened yet.  Along the way I realized I stopped believing in a miracle and I think I lost a little hope.  But then in August I read a book about prayer and I read the verse in Matthew 7:7 where it says to ask, seek, knock. A verse I’ve heard all my life.  But this time I read it in the NLT which says:

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.

Keep on seeking, and you will find.

Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you

When I read the words…KEEP ON asking, seeking, knocking, it challenged me to persevere (even with chronic illness and pain), to continue to Hope, and trust in God.  

Reflection: Hope, however small it may be, helps us to persevere in the hard stuff. 

And as we visited Back2Back sites in Monterrey & Mazatlan, Mexico, and Haiti, I was reminded again about the need to KEEP ON to Persevere because the work we are doing is slow and long.  Transformation and change takes so much time, perseverance, faith, and hope.

Hope for… broken marriages to be restored

Hope for…. answers to complex problems

Hope for…..strength and wisdom to love special needs foster teens

Hope for…..a teen who at 15 has already been through 3 drug rehab programs

Hope for……a family who’s 17 year old daughter chose to take her own life

Reflection: I’m not the same person I was. I’m different at my core. And this is good.

I recently read a blog from another missionary who was reflecting on her experience re-entering into America.  She expressed that she felt like she had gone to Narnia.  A place where so much happened that it was difficult to put into words.   Beth Watkins said:  “words can fail when it comes to describing our deep life-altering experiences.” I can relate, because I often feel like I don’t have the words to explain to people how much I’ve been changed.  I feel like I’m a very different person than when I left for Mexico 7 years ago.   

Reflection: In addition to shedding the old dead parts, we must remain deeply rooted in the Truth. 

We had the opportunity to attend the national conference in early November.  The theme was being deeply rooted.  One of the keynote speakers said it well:  Gregory Lan Ijiwola said “our roots must penetrate to a deeper strata in order for us to grow.”  My overall takeaway from the conference was that I want to be more deeply rooted in the Bible.

Romans 15:13

May the God of HOPE 
fill you with joy & peace
as you trust in Him, so that 
you may overflow with
HOPE by the power of
the Holy Spirit.